Day 5, & I will tell myself, 5 more days to go!!! Simply hearing that makes me feel almost accomplished.
This is not an easy process, it is one of the big challenge I took on my own, at home alone.
Being on Campus with the group of Vipassana meditators makes a huge difference, even if you are in silent and not allowed to speak to anyone, you simply know that you are not alone, and well taken care of, from food preps mornings and noon time to tea time in the evening, the instructions of every meditations, the morning chanting, and the simple walk around the campus, that is precisely well lay out for you in order not to get lost, or get out of the path.
I totally encourage you to at least try it once in your life, and trust me, the first time I was there... I thought that was enough... then I came again two years after, then again a year after to serve... and serving is a heavenly experience... so selfless, caring and serving with full love, kindness and compassion.
As for the water fast, that too, don't do it alone unless followed by a medical doctor on campus, like we did in Egypt. Making sure you are flushing all the garbage in your intestines every day... & being with a supportive group whom you share with, talk to, and experience that journey together.
Unless you want to do it alone, then there are ways to follow, just don't mix Vipassana with Water Fasting. I am stubborn so I did. (95%)
The morning half day course wasn't as easy in my meditations as I wanted to be, "I" the "I"... no more expectations, that is the learning here... experience things as is, here and now.
So in the NOW of my meditations, the first hour in the guided meditation was good... the following hour, the own alone time... my mind wandered around in my past, my teen life, the abusive relationships I had... and so many impurities came out... it was tough to witness all of this again... and to write simply about " abusive" here... in my mind I though wow, I have so many stories and confessions to write about... so many that can empower women out there and let them know they are not alone... so many that I am simply sending love, compassion and forgiveness to these men... From 17 - 23 where the hardest ever...
All that I had to go through, the first birthday surprise ever that I missed for my twenties which was planned by my cousins... because that ex was supper possessive aggressive.... & didn't allow it... & so many stories... I believe he was mentally ill and I was too young to notice & very much afraid to share or tell anyone... I remember after that I said no more boys in my life... I simply want to have friends and be free... no attachments what so ever... until I met a good ones in my early thirties... he showed me love does exist... doesn't have to be abusive... thought that relationship didn't last, I knew God sent him for a reason, to open up to relationships again and not be afraid to be in love... that path also showed me, that the first step to be in love, starts with self-love... & I have been on this path for 8 years now.
Enduring all these thoughts in my mind, & my body's sensations going strangely within... I figured, I maybe know what I would like to do from now on... & what I would like to be
"An Author"
Or maybe I prefer
"A Writer"
feeling an author comes from authority, where are writer feels more right.
To write about all my journeys, the good ones and the hard ones, the empowering ones, and all the path to be here and now... I am simply grateful for all life's experiences, it taught me a lot, even in the hard days.. so the shinny ones can be seen openly and freely.
Today is May 10, 2020, my Birth day is in 10 days... Stepping into my 40ties. What a Gift.
A dream to be fulfilled, maybe from now on, my writings will be the healing journey for so many...in addition to the meditations I put together, and energy healing sessions I offer (www.rawhealing.ca)
Maybe I'll also add more public speaking conferences and support group sessions ... for everything I have endured in my life & learned from... to feel this peace within...
And to be honest, this journey/challenge of Vipassana & Water/Liquid fast, home alone, gave me the courage to write again... after all these years... although I am writing what ever comes to my mind, without checking the spellings, mistakes, grammar or even the sentences' structure... I simply hope the message is well received & you are enjoying my writings... when I decide to publish them after this journey.
I am off to my 2:30 Group sitting meditation... then hopefully should the weather gets warmer outside, I will go for a small walk ( it is cloudy, 7 degrees, feels like 2, and the wind 33km.h & wind gust 50m/h, I can even hear it from here)
I will continue later to add the discourse of tonight...
This is not an easy process, it is one of the big challenge I took on my own, at home alone.
Being on Campus with the group of Vipassana meditators makes a huge difference, even if you are in silent and not allowed to speak to anyone, you simply know that you are not alone, and well taken care of, from food preps mornings and noon time to tea time in the evening, the instructions of every meditations, the morning chanting, and the simple walk around the campus, that is precisely well lay out for you in order not to get lost, or get out of the path.
I totally encourage you to at least try it once in your life, and trust me, the first time I was there... I thought that was enough... then I came again two years after, then again a year after to serve... and serving is a heavenly experience... so selfless, caring and serving with full love, kindness and compassion.
As for the water fast, that too, don't do it alone unless followed by a medical doctor on campus, like we did in Egypt. Making sure you are flushing all the garbage in your intestines every day... & being with a supportive group whom you share with, talk to, and experience that journey together.
Unless you want to do it alone, then there are ways to follow, just don't mix Vipassana with Water Fasting. I am stubborn so I did. (95%)
The morning half day course wasn't as easy in my meditations as I wanted to be, "I" the "I"... no more expectations, that is the learning here... experience things as is, here and now.
So in the NOW of my meditations, the first hour in the guided meditation was good... the following hour, the own alone time... my mind wandered around in my past, my teen life, the abusive relationships I had... and so many impurities came out... it was tough to witness all of this again... and to write simply about " abusive" here... in my mind I though wow, I have so many stories and confessions to write about... so many that can empower women out there and let them know they are not alone... so many that I am simply sending love, compassion and forgiveness to these men... From 17 - 23 where the hardest ever...
All that I had to go through, the first birthday surprise ever that I missed for my twenties which was planned by my cousins... because that ex was supper possessive aggressive.... & didn't allow it... & so many stories... I believe he was mentally ill and I was too young to notice & very much afraid to share or tell anyone... I remember after that I said no more boys in my life... I simply want to have friends and be free... no attachments what so ever... until I met a good ones in my early thirties... he showed me love does exist... doesn't have to be abusive... thought that relationship didn't last, I knew God sent him for a reason, to open up to relationships again and not be afraid to be in love... that path also showed me, that the first step to be in love, starts with self-love... & I have been on this path for 8 years now.
Enduring all these thoughts in my mind, & my body's sensations going strangely within... I figured, I maybe know what I would like to do from now on... & what I would like to be
"An Author"
Or maybe I prefer
"A Writer"
feeling an author comes from authority, where are writer feels more right.
To write about all my journeys, the good ones and the hard ones, the empowering ones, and all the path to be here and now... I am simply grateful for all life's experiences, it taught me a lot, even in the hard days.. so the shinny ones can be seen openly and freely.
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Photo by Suzy Hazelwood from Pexels
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Photo by Suzy Hazelwood from Pexels
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Photo by Suzy Hazelwood from Pexels
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Today is May 10, 2020, my Birth day is in 10 days... Stepping into my 40ties. What a Gift.
A dream to be fulfilled, maybe from now on, my writings will be the healing journey for so many...in addition to the meditations I put together, and energy healing sessions I offer (www.rawhealing.ca)
Maybe I'll also add more public speaking conferences and support group sessions ... for everything I have endured in my life & learned from... to feel this peace within...
"Early years of Childhood... Teens life... Major Brain Surgery, The Journey into a career, The Awaken Moment, Reborn, , Living with a Meningioma Brain Tumor for 11 years, The path into Raw Food, The Journey into Energy Healing, The Discovery of Self in my own eyes, All the Retreats, Meditations, The Businesses and Events I put together... Volunteering... etc..."
And to be honest, this journey/challenge of Vipassana & Water/Liquid fast, home alone, gave me the courage to write again... after all these years... although I am writing what ever comes to my mind, without checking the spellings, mistakes, grammar or even the sentences' structure... I simply hope the message is well received & you are enjoying my writings... when I decide to publish them after this journey.
I am off to my 2:30 Group sitting meditation... then hopefully should the weather gets warmer outside, I will go for a small walk ( it is cloudy, 7 degrees, feels like 2, and the wind 33km.h & wind gust 50m/h, I can even hear it from here)
I will continue later to add the discourse of tonight...
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